Marriage Advice from Those Who’ve Been There & Back [Part 1]

Marriage Advice from Those Who’ve Been There & Back [Part 1]

If you’re single, some would say that these are the glory years; kind of reminds me of what society tells new mothers upon introduction to what is made to seem like a 18 year old sentence- 20 years, if breastfeeding continued into the child’s 5th birthday. Anyways, enjoy them while you can! If you’re in a relationship or married, whichever stage you may be, enjoy it while it lasts because life happens.

Let me not digress any longer. Below are loads of advice that veterans of marriage, divorcees and those currently in marriage have to give to the young, the ambitious, the romantic, the unaware and the unprepared.

  1. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.
  2. In marriage, it’s not the big things that cause problems, but the smaller things that you aren’t willing to work on. It is like a rollercoaster and you have to pick someone who is willing to ride. You have to be willing to compromise on some of the little things and even the bigger ones.
  3. Marriage is for men and women, not boys and girls. If you want to play, don’t get married, divorce isn’t funny, it’s draining- literally! Marriage is a partnership that playing house cannot prepare you for.
  4. A woman who was divorced for 10 years gave the following advice: Don’t lose yourself. You have to make sure that you both understand what the other person wants to invest in outside of marriage and the home. For example, if you belong to a church and other organizations, that will never change, but perhaps your level of commitment will have to be tweaked and vice versa. Don’t lose yourself trying to please your partner. My marriage ended, not because of infidelity, but because my partner was selfish against the things that I like. You have to both be willing to be what the other needs. Make sure to nip the selfish behaviors in the bud before the transform into something else.
  5. It takes two. If you’re the only one putting in work, you will eventually get burned out and frustrated. Marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100 because on good days and bad, it takes everything you’ve got. Also both people have to be ready or it won’t work. As mentioned before, one person cannot make a marriage or a relationship work because marriage is a partnership that playing house cannot prepare you for.
  6. Remember that you aren’t a doormat. Just because you’re married, doesn’t give your spouse the right to treat you any less of a queen/king. The love and respect shouldn’t change just because the title does- that’s just backwards. One of the most important things that get disrespected in relationships are feelings. Make sure you’re not discarding how the other person feels.
  7. Communication is key. Communicate, even when you don’t want to. Over communicate even- no shame in your game. In communicating, make sure you apologize quickly and never go to bed mad without attempting to resolve your feud. In how to communicate effectively instead of lashing out over minor things. It is wise to listen instead of being the one to always do all of the talking. Often time it’s the things that aren’t said that we must pay the most attention to. You should never assume that the other person knows how you feel; there should be an open line of communication.
  8. Don’t do anything that will allow you to lose respect for each other.
  9. Marriage is about serving, not being served.
  10. You have to be emotionally avail and committed to change, if necessary, into what your partner needs. Human love does come and go, so it then becomes a choice that you have to make everyday regardless of how you’re feeling.
  11. Understand your limitations. You can’t meet all of your partners expectations and that is fine, but it should be communicated and the limitations should be known, understood and accepted.
  12. Getting married will not fix an unhappy relationship.
  13. Don’t get too comfortable. Don’t stop doing the things that you did in the beginning to win the other person over. Men and women get too comfortable in relationships and often feel since they’re married now, he/she is mine (evil laugh and lot and lots of finger-tenting). You should never stop flirting and compliment each other everyday.
  14. Being selfish will KILL your relationship.
  15. You have to choose your battles wisely and bring it back to the basics. Some things are not worth arguing and fighting over. The goal should be to find a resolution and not to “win”. You have to be wise enough and humble enough, for the sake of a future, to choose peace instead of always being right. Also most women are unaware that men are way more sensitive than we think; they’re just touchy about different things than women.
  16. It is important to have family time and me time. Get the children to put aside their gadget and sit at the table. Don’t allow the carrying of food to leave the dining table or kitchen. There should be time to talk and play games, not as individuals, but as 
  17. No one is flawless, but you have to try to look at each others flaws less. It can be easy to criticize someone else until that mirror is reversed on us. You have to learn to give each other a break and to not hammer too much on the things the person isn’t doing too good on, meanwhile overlooking everything else that they are.

The conversation isn’t over yet. Believe it our dear readers, part 2 is on it’s way. Make sure to tune in for even more helpful and authentic truths from married people, divorcees and newlyweds for the young, the ambitious, the romantic, the unaware and the unprepared. Tune in next week for Part 2.

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