Kissing Dating Goodbye

Kissing Dating Goodbye

I have just concluded reading the book ‘Boy Meets Girl’ by Joshua Harris and honestly, I can confidently say that I am tired of playing games when it comes to the affairs of my heart, time and emotions. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Goodbye dating, hello courtship.

Dating is such a waste of time and for those who disagree with me, feel free to vent in the response box below, I guarantee you that I’ll actually read it. Okay, this might get a few people upset, so let me rephrase: dating is a waste of time, IF there’s no intentionality. Courtship, on the other hand is much more promising, wouldn’t you say? It’s when two people are mutually ready to commit and entertain the idea of marriage; it is through this courtship process that both people authentically learn more about themselves, each other, their families and their individual walk with Christ. It’s a time for the two people to get serious about being serious. I mean, who wouldn’t want that, right!? I have been through too many heartbreaks to opt out of the chance at something that offers purpose.

[pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]Don’t let impatience get the upper hand. Be his or her friend, but don’t communicate your interest until you’re ready to start a relationship that has a clear purpose and direction. You don’t want to play with hearts. How would you like it if it were the other way around?[/pullquote]

In case my parents are reading this, I have an open confession to make. Since we are all adults here, my confession is that when you had told me to focus on my books, I didn’t just do that, I dated a bit- here and there. Nothing serious in truth. Actually, I take that back, only 2 were really anything serious and the one which I hoped would be more intentional had failed. So here we are, back to singleness. Not to worry, I am onto facing harder books now, so you need not worry. I know that although you don’t say much now, in a few years you will be nudging me in the direction of my currently unknown future husband, so I figured why not help get the process started. Wow, I can’t believe I successfully managed to justify me dating as a teenager. Anyways, as for the other guys I dated, I only took them to be an emotional experiment. You see how wrong that sounds? yeah, I’ve learned to see it too. That’s what’s wrong with dating then and now- too many pieces in the shape of hearts are being played simultaneously on this chess board titled ‘Relationships’, hence why it should be done away with completely. Don’t get me wrong these men weren’t lacking potential, the problem with them was me. I didn’t want them enough to pray over their presence in my life, nor did I seek God in knowing whether or not they were really the bone of my bone and to make matters worse, I dared not introduce them to my family or let them through the front door into my world. I was afraid and where there is fear in a relationship, there often times is no peace and where there is no focus on God at all, there too is no peace and we all know what that would look like in marriage. Anyways, let’s get back to the topic of courtship and why this book has increased my interest in it and has successfully managed to force out the worlds basic habit of casually dating.

What I am about to tell is in no way an introduction to an early midlife crisis. So, please save your interventions for the unmarried 40 year olds. Was that harsh? I apologize. The big announcement, although not really news worthy content, is that I am getting old. Not Betty White old, but older in ages, experience and wisdom. I am not as young as many of you actually think I am. Well, I guess to the baby boomers, I’m just a kid- which is respectfully okay, but to the rest of the 90s kids who can still recall Brittany Spears being on the number one most played artists list and characters like Johnny Bravo, we’re all getting old. I don’t know about you, but I don’t do child splay any longer; I am choosing to leave that one for the kids.

I want purpose with someone who I can call my best friend. Now, that’s the beauty of courtship. It encourages you both to not only be God focused in your singleness, but to be genuine friends before, in and after the process.Courtship forces you to define the boundaries of your relationship, as early as the friendship stage. You must deepen your friendship and be transparent enough to show the other person your true colors. Study the other, but remember to guard your hearts because just as you ask yourself what if this person is the one for me, it’s possible that actually aren’t. Take the game of poker for example, it’s the one who goes all in with their chips on the first round that risks losing and walking away with nothing: no money, no next try and the little remains of their dignity. I’m sure if I packed up and moved to Vegas, I wouldn’t last a week. I don’t have a really good poker face for starters and the same translates to the game of the heart. I wear it all on the exterior: my emotions and my thoughts. In a way, I guess it’s safe to say being an extrovert has the potential to weaken ones cards. While friendship is the best form of romance, both people have to be honest with themselves. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Like the game of poker, nobody likes to lose their good hand. Even your friendships have to be intentional; In everything aim to be intentional. 

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1 Comment

  1. Deji Odulaja
    March 17, 2016 / 8:28 am

    Well said.

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