Dear Future Husband: I am not a fan

Dear Future Husband: I am not a fan

Come correct or don’t attempt to waste my time. Before you ask for my hand, go to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and seek counsel with a spirit of assurance, fear, tremble and respect- the same things a man carries with him, in the world, when he goes firstly to ask the father of the woman he’s about to marry for her hand. I’m sure many have heard the story of Tiwa Savage and her two-year marriage which ended recently: she has come to the conclusion that she married the wrong person. It’s not my intention that our marriage be the talk of the town in this way or the topic of conversation in any cultural circle. For our marriage is not ours to brag about, but Gods. If he does not exist in it, then neither do we. So, with this knowledge, I submit you over to God now and in the future and ask that he perfect you for me, while he continues to work on perfecting me for you. I’m certain that when it’s all over, we will realize our purpose in our life together.

I have chosen to come to terms with the way things actually appear in marriage and so unapologetically, I am no longer a fan of marriage. Now before you go on a tangent, allow me to finish: I am not a fan of marriage because I am more of a believer of it. I hope I haven’t confused you; allow me to explain: a fan and a believer are not the same thing. Now, a fan is someone who sticks around until you begin to lose and then they will depart only to return again when the winning spree begins up again, whereas a true believer in marriage is in it for the long run- whether you’re winning or losing, your side is the side they choose to remain. So, no my dear husband, I am not a fan of marriage at all.

I cannot make you any promises at this time. Unfortunately, I am still trying to get back my belief that such things can actually be honored, so for now I can only make you a declaration based on the type of person that I know myself to be:


On Respect:

I will show you the respect that you deserve as the head of our home. It is not my objective to belittle you, but rather it is my mission to be a wife that assists, encourages and challenges you in a positive manner, for that is your portion. You will never have to question your role in our relationship because that respect will come naturally, through the grace of God.

The person that I am now is not ready for you. I only ask that you give me a few more years, 1 to 3 to be exact, to lose my stubbornness and need to control things which pertain to me. I am still learning how to submit, in my early 20s, but in due time my dear, in the same way that everything has its season, I will confidently be able to submit to you without any hesitations. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

On Prayer: 

I pray for you often whoever you are, mainly that I be accepted graciously as your other half in the eyes of those who matter most to you and vice versa. This is very important to me, so I pray that I be welcomed into your family as a daughter, aunt, sister and wife, and that you find yourself at home in mine as a son, brother, uncle and husband. I also pray that I will lead you closer to your completing your life purpose and being a proper helpmate in your time of need. I pray that I will bring you peace of mind and not frustration, drama and regrets. If at anytime you have a misunderstanding with me, seeing as that’s common when two worlds come together, just take it to my father in prayer and he will communicate with me in a way that even you can’t fathom.

On Parenting: 

I want us to be the sort of parents who have such an intense friendship within an intimate bond, that even in the midst of misunderstanding, our children will look at us as a beacon of hope for the promises of God concerning their own futures. I want us to work as a team. That is what it means to truly be partners: to stick together no matter what.

Let’s just throw away the notion that we’ll be perfect parents. We will find ourselves using some techniques passed down from our parents, but ultimately many of the parenting styles that we use will be predetermined and experimental, so brace yourself, we’re in this together. We are not going to be perfect parents either, but as a united force that has a firm foundation that’s grounded in God, we shall stand. My prayer is that you will be there for your children, without me asking and if ever faced with the decision of whom to choose, it is my prayer that your family will come first.

On Love: 

I want you to love me like christ loved the church and nothing less. Learn my love language and don’t feed my spirit falsely. I request that you place me second in your life, but not last. Nothing else should come before me but God. The bible says in Genesis 2:24 that a man will eventually leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and that they ultimately shall become one flesh. So with this knowledge, you must not allow anything to come before your family but God and only God. I’ve seen situations in my own personal life, where family did not come first and this ultimately lead the couple to a divorce- tragic isn’t it, when only one side is in constant communication with God and the other is just coasting on intercessory prayers. This is not Gods vision for the family, therefore I do not want this for us.

On Divorce: 

I did not marry you to divorce you, let’s just get this straight. I don’t care what you’ve heard or from whom, one who comes from a quote on quote ‘broken home’ is not at greater risk of being divorced themselves than someone whose parents were happily married for 75 years. Every case is different, so if you’re coming in already seeing divorce as an option, you aren’t ready for me. For me, I don’t visually see it being an option and so it isn’t one. My advice to you is to learn to lead me and I shall learn to follow. Yes, we will have differences, but if you’re not willing to work with me because you see a greater vision for us, then don’t bother starting something you can’t see yourself finishing. There are people out there who will give you defeated responses like “well, things happen” or “it wasn’t meant to be” and when I hear these things, I see them as having given up too quickly and what’s worse is before the decision is made, they go before unGodly and imperfect people for counsel. So, if you see it or you have tendencies of running away from your problems or giving up too quickly, you simply aren’t ready for me, so please don’t waste my time. Marriage takes daily work and we must cultivate this habit of working hard for the things that we want.


Dear future husband, it will be enjoyable and you will never lack a friend, a lover and a sister. Just as Christ was given to us and with him came the promises of the trinity: the father, son and holy spirit, one who finds a wife too finds a unique trinity: he finds a friend, a lover and a sister, in one. This is my promise  declaration to you, based on the person that I know myself to be.

 

 

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