What does bravery look like in a relationship? how do we survive heartache or find the right kind of guy or girl that’s worthy of your time and effort? It start by creating a 10 year rule.
Being attracted to a great person, can still make us confused and frustrated; no one is exempt from feeling this. A good girl or a good guy is very much for you and I’m not talking in the sense of ‘they want you’, rather they are for your health, your walk with Christ, your academic success, your purity, your future, your heart, soul and mind. They are applying the 10 year rule for you and making sure that in 10 years the actions they take today concerning you will make you proud of the man/ woman that you will become when that time comes.
The younger we are in our walk with God and in our maturity level overall, the more distorted our definition of love is. When we’re younger we’re told that our Prince Charming will arrive on a white horse and whisk us away into the sunset, with no worries and that everything will magically fall into place and we’d live happily ever after; news flash: only 23% of this is true. Someone will come for you, yes, but there are millions of princes roaming around in search of their princesses, so how are you sure that the one who’s come to whisk you away is even the one that God has intended to locate you?
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Many of us fall into the trap of loving because of what it feels like for the time being and believe me, love when felt is strong. it feels overwhelming, encompassing and while the feelings tell you one thing, love is actually quite different. So, what is love? Let’s refer back to one of my favorite passages: 1 Corinthian 13:4-7 which says that Love is kind and patient, it is not self seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in truth and does not delight in evil. It always protects, always trusts, keeps on hoping and most importantly, it always perseveres regardless of the obstacles it faces. That’s a pretty tough standard to live up to, I know, and the reason many people are unable to live up to this standard is because of their level of maturity. Maturity is not defined by ones age, their ability to handle responsibility, pay bills or even understand complex topics, rather it’s in our ability to be selfless (less of ourselves and more of Christ). Many of us can’t love because parts of us are still selfish and full of ourselves and in love with ourselves.
Is the person that you are with or into a 1 Corinthian 13:4-7 type of person? While feelings have the ability to overtake the mind and good choices, ask yourself some logical questions to get some balance, using the 10 year rule discussed earlier: …In 10 years, is this the kind of person that you want to yoke your entire life together with; you’ve got to think beyond intimacy now. Is this the kind of man or woman that is going to uphold your household? Is this the kind of person who will still be for you in 10 years and rooting for you and what is good for you and what is good about you? Is this the kind of guy or girl that is going to continue to lead you to God? Is this the kind of mother or father that you want for your kids? If you answered no to any of these questions, then this person you have in mind is not good for you. They will not be good for your heart, your future family, your gifts, your family, but the great news is, while many don’t want to admit it, you probably know this deep down.
For those readers who have done things beyond their limitations and boundaries all in the name of love, there is no shame to be had for you because you have been made new in your new identity in Christ. Romans 8:1-2 tells us that there is no condemnation left for those who are in Christ Jesus, because Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and death, so if you’ve made choices that you regret and have given away parts of you that you wanted to save, you can still be made new and start over, without any shame and condemnation- even if you want this condemnation, it’s no longer yours to have. You are not your mistakes, 1 John 1:19, you are forgiven. In the meantime, learn to protect your mind, your body and your heart until you mature into a place where you are ready to be selfless with all of these things in a healthy union with Gods chosen best for you. Your best years are ahead of you.