I’m having a baby!!! okay, okay… don’t freak out, I’m just teasing, but I know many of you are probably reading this going: alright now lady, get to the point and I intend to. First, let me clarify once more before my extended family begins freaking out that, I am in no way pregnant; that was just my way of getting your attention and now that I’ve gotten it (as awkward as that was), let’s begin.
I tossed over one morning in bed, to discover that I was in a state of what felt like a midlife crisis- at 23! yes, you read that right: last time I checked, I was way too young to be going through this. I thought of how my mates were now in their actualization of dreams phase (as was I), posting their engagement pics all over my newsfeed and having children that resembled cuter versions of themselves- adorable, isn’t it? Anyways, so it got me thinking about the ‘what-if’s of life: what if I was done achieving all that I wanted to achieve in life and decided to settle down and have a baby, what would I advise my future daughter, using examples from my life (before this mid life crisis episode of course)? I would encourage each and every one of you to at least do this at some point in your lifetime, before you make the decision to have children. Come on, grab a pen (you know you want to) and write a letter to your little person; you won’t regret it. It will give you a chance to evaluate what’s important to you in life. Anyways, less chit-chat, let’s begin. Enjoy!
Hello there sweetheart,
Mummy here. In life you are going to make so many mistakes (believe me, I’m still making them), but the beauty of this is that you will have no choice but to learn from your errors, because there will come a time where to make the same mistakes over and over again will simply not be tolerated by anyone and thus, you will have been conditioned. Believe me, mummy has had plenty of learned experiences, so for this reason, I feel like I am the best person for the job of guiding you through this complex world and the things it will require of you. Wisdom is as clear as day, for those willing to humble themselves and listen. Keep reading…
First thing first is the topic of God. While the world will tell you that you have the option of picking your faith, I’m afraid that I have already made a covenant with God that you and our entire household will serve the lord all the days of our lives; don’t be so disappointed in the fact that this wasn’t a choice that you were able to make either, for the older you get, just as my mother had done with me, you will come to love this decision and thank me for the early introduction. One thing that you should keep in mind is that the world we’re in is full of various other religions and while you will not always agree with their doctrines, you still have to show the individuals respect because that is what we are called to do as followers of Christ. Now, hear me well, this one is important: you cannot say that you are a Christian and sin after having repented, for that would be no different from a hypocrite and the world is looking at us closely to be this ‘example of our faith’.
In following Christ, you will not find any greater love than the love that you will receive from him and his father. There will even be things that your father and I could not do for you, that only he can and this will create many serious emotions in you, but rest assured in knowing that these emotions are perfectly warranted. you just have to always remember, in the midst of these emotions, to keep trusting in your God and not relay on your flesh. Man will always disappoint, but God never will fail you. You will come to realize at the end of it all that in your toughest moments, as long as you hold onto God, you will never be lost in a world of confusion and sin.
We don’t decide the families that we will be born into. Sometimes people get lucky and are born into a family of strong values, unity and love, while others are born into homes where there’s chaos and no peace. This choice is never ours, but how we react based on the cards that we’re dealt will play a key role in our success rate in life.
Learn to respect your mum and dad. While parents don’t know everything, they have experienced enough to educate you on, so you don’t make the same mistakes. Don’t take it too personal; we mean well. Here’s how I look at it, your family obviously loves you more than anyone else, if they’ve put up with you this long and they will protect you and as scary as it sounds, they would, if forced to do so, even kill for you (scary huh! Praying that this is never the case). So, now knowing the extent of this love, you mustn’t be ashamed of your family. Our home is always open to you, despite your wrong doings; you are always welcome to return home anytime you like and I will never tell you that “I told you so” because at the end of the day, I was just like you: a little lady in search of her independence.
This is where many people get it wrong and get into some pretty serious trouble: emotions. While it’s okay to have emotions, if you don’t control it, then you have fallen victim to it and any outcome that results from it, you will certainly be held responsible. My mother always taught me to use wisdom along with my emotions, to distinguish between the two: emotions being internal feelings expressed, while wisdom, the ability to control them before they spiral. Believe me, you will need both working closely together in order to survive. I’ve had moments where people have done something to me and I allowed my emotions got the best of me, to the point where my ability to think became clogged and mistakes were made; things that I can never take back today, despite how much I prayed to retrieve them. So, my biggest advise to you is this: think before you react.
Boys will come to you seeking interest, curiosity or even your friendship, but you must learn to not let them distract you until you’ve fulfilled all that you needed to fulfill in life. As a Nigerian, my family (near and far) did not begin having the discussion of marriage or even with boys with me until I was in my final year of university. This is most likely what may happen, as a way of loving and protecting you until we see that you can actually stand on your own two feet. Also, don’t be too easily swayed by sweet words: words are just words, that can be manipulated in such a lovely package, with the motive to destroy. You want to look out for the actions of a person (someone who doesn’t want anything from you). When you are ready to date… scratch that, when we allow you to get 10 ft. near the opposite gender, courting in a Godly way is what we expect of you. Anything less, regardless of how old you are, or think that you are will simply not be tolerated. It is important that you don’t enter into a relationship feeling pressured, insecure, desperate or unclear.
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]You cannot fall in love with a man because of his good looks or his wallet[/pullquote]
You have to look at his ability to lead you in a Godly way and offer you suggestions and help that moves you closer to destiny. Love yourself first and always take care of yourself first, so that when you are with someone, you will compliment them and love them because you know how to love and take care of yourself. You have to be sure of who you are, who God is, where you’re going in life and the values that you wish to bring with you into the relationship, before actually getting into one. But yes, when you’re younger you will try to be rebellious and sneak around (hiding things from your parents), but just know that as your parents, we were not born last night: we were young too and made mistakes and learned from them. Remember that eventually those things that you think you’re hiding from your parents, will eventually come to light in due time. So, be smart in your decisions in these areas because when you get to a certain age, boys will come, but you have to trust in Gods bigger plan for your life and use your brain and not those crazy things called emotions, to lead you. Don’t trust in flashy things or illusions or even a certain type of God; trust in Gods bigger plan and don’t settle for less than what you have been promised: plans of good and not of evil, says the lord.
You will be fine though darling, because by the time you are ready for this stage, you would have already been properly groomed for the future stage of being someone’s lifelong helpmate. You will learn that people will always want what they can’t have either. Take pizza for example, if you don’t have it for a few days, you will begin to miss it and indulge when you finally get it. So, exercise patience and don’t be too hesitant to be with someone. Take the time to get to know someone and when someone you care about offends you, forgive them out of love and understanding that they are not perfect and are prone to making mistakes. When you can truly do this and love what makes you and that other person different, then you’re capable of truly loving the individual.
Don’t ever feel like you have to change yourself either for anyone; that’s what your relationship with God is supposed to do. If you come into any relationship pretending to be someone else, the person will never get the chance to love the real you and eventually the act will catch up and blow up in the ugliest of ways. A life of purity makes you look even more attractive to your future husband. Do not cheat or cheapen yourself. Queens are meant to exude mystery and be about something, for if you’re not about something, than you will fall for anyone and anything. If you are ever lost about what you should do in dating or courtship, the bible is your guide. Don’t let culture confuse you. That is key.
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”left”]Life will fascinate you, but don’t let it make you bitter or cause you to lose faith in humanity[/pullquote]
You will meet all kind of people in the world and believe me, the exist. You can one day be in a classroom with the sweetest person one minute and see that same person on the news for a heinous crime, so try not to be too naive to think that people aren’t capable of changing on you. Also don’t be naive in thinking that situations aren’t capable of changing either. While you may feel uncomfortable one minute, there is a likely chance that the situation can turn around in your favor, so don’t give up too easily or coward away from the harsh truth. Take my advice baby; the best way to better prepare for life’s unexpected changes is to always be prayerful, grateful and content. People will come into your life and go, that is life. Nothing is permanent, so that is why it is vital that you learn these three concepts early on, before memories become all that remains. Lastly, don’t give up in life or feel as if you can’t obtain what another person has achieved: small efforts, time investment and ambition goes a long way. People will say things to hurt you, but if you go through life taking everything personal, it will serve more as a handicap. See people as contributors to your own success and you a contributor to theirs and learn to give them credit for their attempts and move away from people who don’t grow you in the right direction. You can’t be everybody’s friend either, nor can you ever please everyone, so just learn to appreciate people for who they are (flawed) and find a mechanism for how to relate to each accordingly.
I want to tell you that school is important and while it is, it is not the only thing that should focused on in life. Yes, there have been great people who have become valuable members of society without having attended. Don’t get me wrong, I am not encouraging that you not attend school.
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”right”]I am advising you to know your Why and your What: Why you’re attending and what you’re doing.[/pullquote]
Some people will say that when you’re young you don’t know what you want out of life: B.S! We know, it’s just that our motivations and needs force us to do something completely different for the sake of a large income and better opportunities. The point that I’m trying to make is this: it’s vital that you discover your likes, dislikes and passions way before you enter college, so that you have a better sense of direction when it comes time to make some pretty life changing (and I mean this in every sense of the word) decisions that will shape every other decision that you make in life. Don’t go to school, just to appease your parents and just get it over with. Actually go because you want to gain skills that give you a greater value in society. [Read our article on finding your value and worth here: http://www.absolutelychi.com/value-yourself/ ]
You will be fine, just make decisions wisely, with the future in mind. After-all, you wouldn’t want to still be living under your parents roof at 30 now, would you? I didn’t think so, believe me, I don’t even want that for you. So, aim high and remember that time is never a good thing, so if you have the option, don’t waste any time. Little by little, every effort that you make, whether it be waking up early in the morning for lecture, going to conferences outside of your comfort zone, etc will all reap benefits to you in due time. Once again, school is important, but skill is what employers look for, but that’s not to say that you shouldn’t still go; you still need the credentials that comes with having attended. So, go, enjoy it, have fun and network!! network, network, network, I can’t stress this enough.